10 reasons i can’t forget:

1. because you carefully liked me

from a distance, quietly, for a long time

2. because we made each other laugh to the point of pain and insanity

for hours until stomachs ached and eyes were blurry

3. because i was totally unequivocally myself

with a kind of authenticity where a secret door had cracked open

4. because the talking was endless & interesting

full of work, love, family, children, friends, drugs, sex, childhood, movies, repeat

5. because the silence was endless & easy


6. because the music was the first thing we ever shared

yours, on a plane

7. because the food was a constant

always shared

8. because the pride for one another

proved we could win at everything

9. because i was being set free

witnessing the beginning of baggage being ripped to shreds



10. Because i don’t want to









in the name of the…

June 16, 2013

dad and me

10 Things i Love About my Father

1. his corny jokes. [no one will ever be as corny as my dad. corny in the best way possible. there’s a definite skill to the pun and the off-the-cuff dirty rhyme and my dad has perfected this over many years. no need to ask for it. just wait and you’ll be wondering why you’re laughing so hard over something so silly.]

2. his ability to be gentle. [i got a splinter a few weeks ago and my first thought was, “well that thing is going to be stuck in there until i go home for a visit.” he’s like a surgeon with a tweezer. it’s out in 2 seconds and you never even knew it was there.]

3. his ability to do everything well. [wtf is up with this? he picks up a golf club for the first time EVER and hits straight and long. he tries a video game he’s never seen before and beats you without breaking a sweat. naturally good at everything, he’s always been my inspiration that we can do anything we set our minds to with grace and confidence.]

4. his unwavering support. [i honestly believe that if i woke up tomorrow and decided i wanted to be a prostitute he’d say something like, “okaayyy, that’s cool. now let’s talk about the positives and negatives of this profession.” not literally, but close enough.]

5. his back scratches. [i learned from my father that there is no better cure for anything in the world than a great back scratch. i’m still looking for a great back scratcher in L.A. but i doubt anyone’s really going to be able to measure up.]

6. his love of a good time. [some may call it knocking back a few but my dad calls it getting “double goosed.” this can be a direct reference to number 1 and it’s pretty awesome.]

7. his love in general. [let’s face it, nobody loves you like your parents. i happen to be lucky enough to have great friends in my life whom i call family, but nothing means more than the unconditional love from my father. it’s that “i’d run in front of a bus to make you smile” kind of feeling that only he can give.]

8. his sense of adventure. [getting lost in the wilderness of Costa Rica. ice fishing with hot chocolate at 5am in New Jersey. hiking until we’re lost in the Blue Ridge Mountains. i’ve heard a few stories about some crazy times in the Virgin Islands before i was born. yeah, i’d say he’s willing to jump in and soak up every minute of it.]

9. his compassion. [my father taught me how to be fair and to always try and put myself in someone else’s shoes. i like to think of myself as a compassionate person and i learned by example. i may be one of the few only children in the world who tries desperately to share. but really, i mostly want to share with him.]

10. his love of being a father – to a girl. [the story goes that my father always wanted a girl and i am sure this must be true. my dad has always done everything with me from fishing to watching movies to golfing to dancing to tree hopping in Costa Rica. i’ve never once had the feeling that my dad would have been happier having a son and i’ve never been more happy to be a daughter.]

color me nostalgic.

May 24, 2012

10 Colors and what they Remind me of:

1. metallic black. [i have many movie obsessions but only one that’s remained consistent and a total enigma: Batman. i don’t love comic books, i know many of these movies were terrible, and yet, i find a compulsion to see every one of these in the movie theater opening night. thank God Nolan is in charge lately.]

2. dirty white. [pussy willows and New York snow. pussy willows were my grandmother’s favorite plant and adorned every table at my long lost wedding. New York snow is…well, it’s own species of snow. a mixture of grime and black street soot that reminds me of my college days and is something i strangely miss.]

3. natural wood. [i don’t recall what type of natural wood it was, but the first house i ever lived in was this color. very 70’s, very eclectic, very modern for its day, very cool.]

4. lilac. [nostalgia might be a touch much for this one, but a memory for sure. lilac reminds me of the shiniest pastel dress ever created; my “Azalea Belle” dress worn during the annual Azalea Festival in NC. white gloves, white parasols, shimmery lilac hoop dresses. it was my own personal nightmare that still makes me giggle.]

5. rusty brown. [the summer i spent working and living on Martha’s Vineyard is filled with drug & alcohol induced memories. however, one that’s clear and brightly sober is the vision of the cliffs of Gay Head. at dusk they turned a reddish brown that makes you think of the most beautiful sunset, baked directly into red clay. i miss morning bike rides to those majestic red cliffs where i could sit and write bad 20 year-old poetry all day long.]

6. molten silver. [solder. i wanted to be a tomboy but i had natural reservations about jumping and climbing and possibly breaking bones. instead, my father let me work with him in his speaker-making shop most afternoons and i learned to solder like no other girl can.]

7. cobalt blue. [my best friend from high school decided that was her favorite color as a kid. she proceeded to receive every gift for every occasion from every person she’s ever met in the form of this color glass. i lived with her and her massive amounts of cobalt blue chachkies in Brooklyn circa 1998. lesson: be careful what you wish for.]

8. gold. [the Eiffel Tower shimmers and glows. you can be the most depressed, bitter person alive but standing in front of that tower of gold in Paris will make you love anything ~ even yourself ~ for a moment.]

9. Carolina blue. [never a true North Carolinian, growing up i rebelled against the waves of people surrounding me that HAD to love basketball and Carolina blue anything. but i did have an interest in an attempt to be popular. hence a very cute ~ and kind of slutty now that i think about it ~ cheerleading outfit with Carolina blue pom-poms on both shoes. i hold the school record for being the only unpopular cheerleader and i challenge all future Hoggard girls to try and break it.]

10. turquoise. [when you walk along the humid beach of Playa de Aro in Spain, stop at a vendor, pop a couple of fresh fried empanadas into your mouth, and take in the turquoise waters and the life of it all. only the Spanish know how to stay up all night, play all day, and eat like there’s no tomorrow.]