truth or dare.

July 30, 2017

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10 truths we all Know but don’t want to Admit:

Truth #1: Pinocchio. [we aren’t that good at lying. but people pretend right along with us. and then sometimes ~ if they know us well ~ they’re playing along to get us to admit to the lie. or sometimes we all play the game together with silent understanding. do we think this makes life easier or more challenging? whatever the reason, it’s true.]

Truth #2: Fantasy Island. [the story in our head never turns out to be reality. i envision every important scenario in my life and how it will most likely turn out. this takes great over-thinking. careful attempts to be unbiased and get the most logical possible picture. not once has this vision been even remotely accurate. i’m even terrible at predicting winners of the Bachelor. clearly, this is not my forte. but we all do this, it’s true.]

Truth #3: Show & Tell. [no one wants to see all of our photos. we know it and yet it’s such a strong need to show, show, show! and even when our friend or loved one looks like they are positively watching paint dry, we keep on showing. it’s an addiction ~ a moving train that’s going way too fast to ditch. and don’t get me started on our playlists. you know, it’s true.]

Truth #4: Hide & Seek. [we all live with at least one shame from childhood. there’s certainly traumatic options here, but even smaller less damaging experiences are hard to admit. peer pressure to do something not so wonderful, family crap, a less than attractive show of weakness, or just a really awkward phase… we all got ’em. it’s so easy to hide but it’s true.]

Truth #5: Mirror, Mirror. [if the same thing keeps happening to you, you are the common denominator. the world does not revolve around you. you are not the center of the universe. however, if your head keeps slamming up against the same brick wall – same fight, same girl, same guy, same problem – we all know that the universe has a lesson made just for you. pay attention and enjoy the spotlight for a moment because it’ll pass once you realize it’s true.]

Truth #6: Scaredy Cat. [we all fight fear an inordinate amount of the time. whether it’s death or the person next door who doesn’t look like you or the doctor or being vulnerable or feeling responsible or being accepted or cancer or war or walking alone in the dark. i despise fear and i fear people’s fear. a personal conundrum but it’s true.]

Truth #7: Swim Fan. [we all have obsessions and/or addictions. i believe it’s a human thing as we work it all out in this life. maybe it’s okay to obsess about at least one thing. it’s probably the thing we are best at. or… we will be eventually. or…we’ll be admitted to Passages Malibu but things will always get better. it’s true.]

Truth #8: Secret Agent. [you never really know a person. we all walk around with our friends and our siblings and our co-workers and our husbands and our children and we spend 100% of our time acting like we know these crazies. like because we’ve spent hours talking with them and sleeping with them and feeding them that we know them like no one else does. that is some delusional shit and incredible because it’s true.]

Truth #9: Fire Starter. [we have horrible thoughts sometimes. this one is really tough to admit. nobody wants to judge themselves at a core level of humanity, including me. but i admit, my thoughts have wandered down a dark path now and again. i figure all i can do is work on facing it and appreciate that i haven’t actually acted on any of those thoughts. it’s fucking hard being a good person, it’s true.]

Truth #10: Sleeping Beauty. [at times, we fake sleeping. everybody always talks about women faking all kinds of shit but what about the sleeping? we have all had a moment where we didn’t want the person coming to bed to know we were awake – for so many various reasons. and we all secretly also know that they know that we ain’t sleeping. let’s all keep doing it anyway just because it’s true.]

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contradicting Tracy.

July 9, 2012

Ten very different but Real versions of Me:

1. The Unfiltered Chatterbox. [the unfiltered part is really just another word for alcohol. parties at my house typically end in me remembering something crazy i said to someone crazy i shouldn’t have and then i spend about a week wondering what and if i should do anything about it. so far, no friends have been permanently lost in this chaos so i’ve got a feeling this version of me isn’t nearly as horrible as my memory serves.]

2. The Sap. [you wanna see a strong & independent Los Angeles woman transform into a pile of crying mush in under 5? turn on SYTYCD or Girls. i’m a sappy dreamer at heart.]

3. The Bitch. [a definite part of my personality i’d appreciate the ability to tap into more often. i obviously don’t want to be an asshole or mean to people…but something to balance out the ridiculously over-accommodating Tracy would be nice. that’s all i’m saying.]

4. The Victim. [an acting teacher of mine once told me my biggest obstacle as an actor was that i saw myself as a victim in life. i am constantly growing further and further away from this concept, but it’s so easy on a grumpy day to let your brain whine “why….me?” pathetic but at least i’m honest.]

5. The Whore. [damn it’s hard being 35. you wake up one day – somewhere around 31 – and realize that every fiber of your being wants to have sex all the time. and then you think, what the hell is this? and then if you’re really smart you realize, oh yeah, my body wants babies even if the rest of me doesn’t. and then you spend the next 10-20 years trying as hard as possible not to seem like a complete whore. cause you aren’t. it’s exhausting.]

6. The Comic. [every once in a while when the moment is right or the moon is full, i am really, really funny. some of my closest girlfriends would say i’m hilarious all of the time, but that’s kind of like how they tell me i’m perfect in every way. maybe a bit biased. i will admit that one-liners on Twitter and chunks of time spent with someone who makes me extremely comfortable (yes you Bill K) enhance my stand-up tendencies. in these moments, i feel pretty cool.]

7. The Ditz. [place me in front of a tall boy who’s cute and nice and flirty and every hour of college, tutoring, and generally accumulated brainpower flies out the window faster than you can say “absurd.” i can comfortably be on stage in front of 1000 people, gracefully impress in a job interview, and confidently share my thoughts through a public blog. but an attractive flirty male is still, after all these years, my own personal kryptonite.]

8. The Therapist. [you got a problem? call me. i’ve been told i give really good advice and i listen with everything i’ve got. okay, maybe only if you’re my friend already cause i really don’t have time to start a whole new business.]

9. The Yes Lady. [i have this awful aversion to saying the word no. kind of like my fear of confrontation, i am logically aware that saying no can be a very good thing, and yet….meh. it’s hard. i don’t even worry if people like me anymore, so my brain’s having a hard time wrapping itself around the meaning behind this one.]

10. The Quiet One. [i am a really talkative, open person about 90% of the time. but there is this very substantial part of me who since living alone needs to be completely silent for hours at a time with a great book or movie and nothing but the birds or crickets chirping outside. if my voice is hoarse from lack of use at 9pm, it’s been a really great day spent with my favorite version of Me.]

say no more.

February 17, 2012

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10 ways to use eCards as a healthy form of expression:

1. how to say “maybe we should break-up.”

2. how to say “i’m really, truly sorry.”

3. how to say “i’ll admit, i’m not exactly perfect.”

4. how to say “congratulations on your engagement.”

5. how to say “i think i like you.”

6. how to say “you’re awesome.”

7. how to say “hope you feel better.”

8. how to say “you can do it.”

9. how to say “congratulations on having a baby.”

10. how to say “i love you.”