10 reasons i can’t forget:

1. because you carefully liked me

from a distance, quietly, for a long time

2. because we made each other laugh to the point of pain and insanity

for hours until stomachs ached and eyes were blurry

3. because i was totally unequivocally myself

with a kind of authenticity where a secret door had cracked open

4. because the talking was endless & interesting

full of work, love, family, children, friends, drugs, sex, childhood, movies, repeat

5. because the silence was endless & easy


6. because the music was the first thing we ever shared

yours, on a plane

7. because the food was a constant

always shared

8. because the pride for one another

proved we could win at everything

9. because i was being set free

witnessing the beginning of baggage being ripped to shreds



10. Because i don’t want to










October 12, 2011

10 Tiny but Beautiful Moments:

1. the moment you realize you truly enjoy being alone. [there is a transition period between the end of a long-term relationship and the onset of reality where being alone is of course the most AWESOME thing ever because you’ve been in a crappy 1 bedroom apartment with someone you liked less and less every day for the past however many years. that doesn’t count. i am speaking of the moment after an unspecified amount of time when you open your eyes and think “i could wake up every day, alone, like this, and be perfectly content. living with myself is pretty rad.” that moment.]

2. the moment you first felt real independence. [i remember mine so clearly. i was sitting in my ’83 Honda Prelude and it was the first day i officially had my driver’s license. it was raining and i remember the sound of the wipers and the feel of the leather stick shift. i remember thinking that i could drive anywhere by myself, right past the high school and onto the open highway if i wanted. for the first time i felt completely free.]

3. the moment you know you have a great friend. [there is a switch between good acquaintance and friend that is flipped in a nanosecond and it’s like a burst of light illuminating the friendship forever. you tell them something you’ve never told anyone, or they stand up for you in a situation where they really don’t have to, or you are suddenly both laughing so hard your ribs ache. the sound of that switch clicking on is barely noticeable so listen for it.]

4. the moment you realize your parents aren’t God. [i remember a tree frog “event” in my house late one night at the ripe age of 11 or 12. this story is legend in my family and i will not fully embarrass my father my retelling it on a blog. let’s just say my dad wasn’t his perfectly heroic self that evening ~ although he gets an A+ for effort ~ and it was the first moment in my life where i realized my parents might be human after all. good and bad, it’s a momentous revelation to be remembered.]

5. the moment just before the weather changes. [that whip of wind where the temperature starts to drop. that first splatter of rain that exponentially leads to hundreds within seconds. that first chill before snowfall. that moment you get right before nature shifts reminds me of my size in the universe and how grateful i am to be a part of something so grand.]

6. the moment before you say i love you. [an anxious and excited moment, or something you feel quite serene and confident about, or something that rises to the surface that’s been lingering down deep for quite a while and finally needs to see the light of day. in any scenario, this moment feels so right and is always well worth the wait.]

7. the moment you know it’s over. [while your heart is breaking and your mind has gone numb, there is nothing like the feeling of a door shutting because another one has opened at that exact same moment. we only realize this much later, but that doesn’t make the moment less wondrous.]

8. the moment you realize you have a great idea. [i have a few Aries friends who have these about 40 times per day, but for me they’re a little more infrequent. when those synapses get moving, for me i know my life and brain have purpose. let the adventure begin.]

9. the moment you feel exhausted from creating something. [after the synapses have finally decided to take a big nap, the exhaustion and emptiness of giving something to the world is one of the greatest feelings ever. does your body vibrate a little when it happens? me too.]

10. the moment you first wake up after an incredible dream. [my knees curl to my chest and my heart begs for sleep to overtake me again, but i know this moment is precious. dreams and reality seem entangled for just a few morning moments and life is easy and comfortable and warm. even one of these per month would keep me going forever.]