and tell.

August 13, 2014


10 things about kissing:

1. squeeze. [the tightest hug possible as your arms wrap around me and the air rushes out of me and my ribs expand grasping for room but are hesitant with the fear of cracking. the tightest fullest hug.]

2. skin. [fingers crawling up my back, gentle and soft and tentative, my skin feeling your mouth, my palms full of hair and soft ears and the skin is so hard to distinguish, boy from girl, man from woman, skin from skin.]

3. moments in between. [when you realize there’s nowhere to be no one to be sounds outside that remind you of your bubble while you catch your breath for just one second and your heart races for the break to end.]

4. Q&A. [the secret silent questioning, searching, seeking for what it is you like and i like and what we could discover we like together. ah! you like biting the lower lip. i’ll do that. ah! you like a push and pull. i’ll do that.]

5. breath. [the moments when your lips are just far enough apart that they can still feel each other’s shadow, but the breath remains intertwined and you inhale and he exhales and you find a beautiful pattern here before diving back into contact.]

6. body parts. [how every part of our face is involved in the whole process – not just lips and hair and hands – but noses and eyelashes and freckles. fingers touching faces, breath touching breath, ears being whispered. and eskimo kisses.]

7. improv. [the ease of listening. the best kind of improv. completely present, listening, feeling energy, willing to wait and ready to go and always, always saying yes.]

8. roller-coaster. [your brain on a train, speeding over hills of connection and intensity, barreling down deep into valleys of quiet and peace, up down up down, joy, thinking, silence, laugh.]

9. scents. [is that him or me or soap or rain or sweet sweat or a faint touch of something like wine or a flower or a cigarette? the intoxicating scents of skin and energy and the day past.]

10. the dance. [the way it flows like a perfect rhythmic heartbeat, from one moment into another. now we are kissing, now we are complimenting, now we are hugging, now we are giggling, now we are kissing, now we just are.]

the best part.

November 8, 2012

10 things I learned in 1 day after hearing 2 couples fight:

1. my new WeHo walls are thin. [good lord i heard every word of that shit. yes, every word. the “you said you hate me so get the fuck out” and the “if you try and use our baby as a tactic i’ll call your mother.” yeah. every word. hello thin walls of WeHo. i’m Tracy and we’re in it together.]

2. the grass is always greener. [as a person still in search of a great relationship i have to say it was nice to remember that a lot of crap comes with that Holy Grail. even the best of the best relationships have knock down, drag out fights and to be honest, that’s something i’ll enjoy missing for as long as it takes.]

3. you fight better with age. [listening to 2 people under the age of 20 have a fight is both entertaining and enlightening in so many ways. entertaining when you realize you have no idea whose side you’re on and you’re furiously trying to figure that out. enlightening when you realize you used to fight that way many years ago and how awesomely dumb it made you look. thanks kids. many thanks.]

4. a baby doesn’t solve anything. [we all know this to be true anyway. well, maybe those 14 year olds on Teen Mom 17 don’t know, but they can’t spell the word baby so they don’t count. turns out just because you have a 5 week old infant does not mean you won’t scream & stomp & pout like you’re 12. if anything, i think it gave my neighbors a terrifically unhealthy strategic tool to use against each other. i’m not even sure the teen moms would do that.]

5. stop & think. [when you have the privilege of listening to a very long argument from beginning to end, it becomes clear that no one actually stops and thinks in a fight. the next time i am in the middle of one of these throwdowns, you can bet i am going to try remember the guy next door repeating himself over and over again, saying some serious shit that well, you can’t take back. thank God that baby doesn’t understand English yet.]

6. women can be really dumb. [yes she’s a 17 year old hippie. yes, she’s probably not the brightest bulb in the bunch. still, women can be stupid. are you really crying for 2 HOURS about him hanging out with another girl? oy i feel for ya dude. so dumb.]

7. men can be really dumb. [yes, he’s an 18 year old hippie and yes, he thinks he’s God’s gift to all lady hippies that ever existed. still, men can be idiots. did it really take you 2 HOURS to admit that you gave her a massage but you were just getting back at her for hanging out with some guy named Mike? oy i feel for ya sister. so retarded.]

8. everyone hates their parents. [i actually don’t hate my parents at all, but this has to be said because both of these couples brought up how much they hate & feel messed up by their parents about a hundred times. what’s going on here? too much therapy? i really don’t know, but i figured it was worth mentioning.]

9. i’m patient. [5 straight hours of my neighbors fighting ~ with baby in tow ~ and i just laid there and tried to sleep. i didn’t pace. i didn’t put on headphones. i didn’t call anyone to bitch about it. okay fine, i was slightly comatose & recovering from a terrible bout of food poisoning, but i’m still giving myself credit for some patience on this one.]

10. making up is still the best part. [aaahhhh, the golden silence this morning of 2 parents cuddling their infant and making coffee & breakfast. oh the joy of the teenagers walking down my street hand in hand in silence, knowing they’ve made it through some ritualistic test of coupledom. making up is still the best part, and they didn’t even get to the sex yet.]