sunsets & palm trees.

October 23, 2017

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10 things i’ve learned from a Lifetime of watching Movies:

  1. if i am in high school and i feel unpopular, all i have to do is get a makeover. i will walk into school the next day and everyone will finally see how beautiful i really am.
  2. if i am in a car crash, i will definitely roll away or run away or crawl away from that car as fast as possible. because it will blow up. it will blow up like there was a bomb hidden inside. even though there is no reason it should blow up, it’s gonna blow up. i’m out of there.
  3. if i am scared someone is watching me or in my house, i will not swing shut my medicine cabinet and look in the mirror. they will surely be right behind me. also, if there is a blackout, i will NOT use my phone to look at myself or take a photo. some person or some thing will surely be right behind me.
  4. if i become best friends with a bunch of guys, at least one of them will wake up someday and come to the realization that i have always been the one for him. and he will show up at my door in the rain with a song or an object i pointed out in a gift shop once or burst into my apartment to articulately express his true feelings that he has just realized. that is, if he doesn’t meet a Manic Pixie Dreamgirl on his way over.
  5. if i befriend a black person, they will immediately and magically come to the aid of myself and all of my white friends. or at the very least make our lives significantly better with sage wisdom and thoughtful but practical advice.
  6. if i meet a stranger and want to have sex with them, i should do it because it will immediately be the best sex either of us has ever had. and although there will be much moaning and enjoyment, afterward i will not appear sweaty or disheveled in any way.
  7. if i smoke cigarettes i look super sexy, and it helps me through bad situations, and i smell just fine. oh and i only smoke after a tense moment or dramatic situation as i have no need for the disgusting things otherwise.
  8. if there is someone chasing me that is a very, very bad person and i actually do some bad-ass thing like shoot them right before they kill me, they aren’t dead. i have to remember these bad people can take at least 8 major blows to the head and a minimum of 5 bullet wounds. min-i-mum.
  9. if i see someone is scared and they tell me about something scary happening, i will go check it out. and i will die.
  10. i if live long enough to meet an alien, i may not be able to tell if they are bad or good right away, but i know for sure they can travel faster than me, they are stronger than me, they are smarter than me, and their technology is so super organic and sophisticated that i may not even really understand it.
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2 Responses to “sunsets & palm trees.”

  1. Adam said

    😂❤️ 👍. Oh, and don’t forget , no matter how badass I am after being hurt by a man , I will always look more badass. And, kicking a mans ass being a woman , I will receive no mercy and look as if I will die , then, without explanation I win and he dies. And, as with sex , afterwards, I will not look at all injured or decheveled.

  2. Ja’nelle said

    You’re welcome. You know what for… 😏 ##5 #BLACKUP! 😂

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