let me count the ways.

March 22, 2013

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10 of my favorite people and why:

1. the way he makes me feel like i have the brother i always wanted…without the punching and the crying.

2. the way she texts me in the middle of the day at random to tell me how much she misses me.

3. the way he makes me love being a kid again while feeling protected…since the day i was born.

4. the way she always understands my thoughts completely…especially when i express them to her in the exact way they first formed in my own brain.

5. the way he makes me laugh so hard my sides feel like they’re going to rip apart and the more it hurts, the more i crave it.

6. the way her voicemail messages give me the best laugh on the worst days.

7. the way he’s always willing to listen to me, even about the same shit over and over again….and over again.

8. the way her energy calms me naturally and makes me want to stay all night.

9. the way he always makes me feel like a girl…especially during karaoke.

10. the way she saves her advice for the problems that really matter…and knows instinctively which ones those are.

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10 things i ponder over while driving in Los Angeles:

1. city planners. [aren’t these people being paid way too little or way too much? it has to be one or the other cause there ain’t no rhyme or reason to this crap in my opinion. there is no good explanation for me being stuck in my car for 1 hour and managing to get exactly 1 mile. no. good. explanation.]

2. autopilot. [what the hell is that phenomenon anyway? i am intrigued by what happens to us when we enter this “autopilot” mode and literally feel like we’ve been asleep for the majority of a drive and realize when we get to our destination that we don’t remember driving there. did our souls leave our body? did our subconscious get a good nap? did aliens invade my body because they wanted to test drive a 2008 Toyota Matrix?]

3. fate. [in the last month or so, i have passed or driven behind a close LA friend of mine oh…i don’t know. almost EVERY DAY. he lives near me, but still. i’m now trying to ignore how often it’s happening because it makes me feel a little crazy. but it does make me wonder. how many people am i sitting next to at a stoplight that could be my next great friend or my next great love or my next horrible breakup? and how many times did i pass them or sit next to them at that light before we met?]

4. money. [i want a new car goddamn it. and then i ask myself why? and then i ask myself what’s wrong with my car? and then i hear my father’s voice saying you don’t even have a 401K and you are in your mid-thirties. don’t buy a car. and then i pass the Lexus dealership in Beverly Hills and i get very very excited and i am very very confused.]

5. time. [i often wonder how much time i spend in my car and if i could only bottle that time and use it to work or take a vacation or sleep what kind of a person i would be and how much better my life would be and how much more evolved i would be. oh jesus i almost got in an accident. i should stop thinking about time and get back to avoiding being side-swiped by that idiot in a Mercedes suv.]

6. children. [depending on the day my feelings vary on the subject of children. sometimes i want one, sometimes i don’t. when i’m driving i think about how my life would change and how everything i do would change because my priorities would change. would i drive slower? would i try to beat that light a little less often because my precious little baby is in the back? oh and now i’m thinking about how i don’t have sex enough to have children and now i’m at a loss of why this train of thought has any reasoning at all.]

7. Drive. [if it’s very late at night while driving in LA and that perfect 80’s song starts playing i like to pretend i’m Ryan Gosling in Drive and it’s infinitely more fun. or i start to think about Ryan Gosling in general and that’s a lot more fun too.]

8. road trips. [when i was in my early 20’s i loved taking road trips. i took a 7 week camping road trip in a Cabriolet for god’s sake. now i wonder why the fuck anyone would ever want to pile 7 weeks worth of freeze dried food and pillows and lanterns into a tiny little convertible and get stopped at every border because they’re dating an indian guy. oh those silly 20 year olds.]

9. Alaska. [there are several reasons i think moving to Alaska is a very cool and brave thing to do. the best of those is the mental picture i have in my head of my daily Alaskan commute. i picture tundra with no cars. no cars, no people… just the bright reflection of freshly fallen snow and the warmth of my heated seat. i’ve suddenly found myself in a Chevy truck commercial and i’m lovin’ it. ]

10. music. [my car is where i listen to my music but it’s also the place where i realize that i haven’t downloaded nearly enough new music lately and then spend at least 5 minutes thinking about how i need to download more new music and how i need to make a note of it in my phone and then remember that i’ll get a ticket for typing something into my phone while driving and how that’s dangerous anyway and then…i start thinking about fate again. still haven’t downloaded any new music lately. sigh.]