contradicting Tracy.

July 9, 2012

Ten very different but Real versions of Me:

1. The Unfiltered Chatterbox. [the unfiltered part is really just another word for alcohol. parties at my house typically end in me remembering something crazy i said to someone crazy i shouldn’t have and then i spend about a week wondering what and if i should do anything about it. so far, no friends have been permanently lost in this chaos so i’ve got a feeling this version of me isn’t nearly as horrible as my memory serves.]

2. The Sap. [you wanna see a strong & independent Los Angeles woman transform into a pile of crying mush in under 5? turn on SYTYCD or Girls. i’m a sappy dreamer at heart.]

3. The Bitch. [a definite part of my personality i’d appreciate the ability to tap into more often. i obviously don’t want to be an asshole or mean to people…but something to balance out the ridiculously over-accommodating Tracy would be nice. that’s all i’m saying.]

4. The Victim. [an acting teacher of mine once told me my biggest obstacle as an actor was that i saw myself as a victim in life. i am constantly growing further and further away from this concept, but it’s so easy on a grumpy day to let your brain whine “why….me?” pathetic but at least i’m honest.]

5. The Whore. [damn it’s hard being 35. you wake up one day – somewhere around 31 – and realize that every fiber of your being wants to have sex all the time. and then you think, what the hell is this? and then if you’re really smart you realize, oh yeah, my body wants babies even if the rest of me doesn’t. and then you spend the next 10-20 years trying as hard as possible not to seem like a complete whore. cause you aren’t. it’s exhausting.]

6. The Comic. [every once in a while when the moment is right or the moon is full, i am really, really funny. some of my closest girlfriends would say i’m hilarious all of the time, but that’s kind of like how they tell me i’m perfect in every way. maybe a bit biased. i will admit that one-liners on Twitter and chunks of time spent with someone who makes me extremely comfortable (yes you Bill K) enhance my stand-up tendencies. in these moments, i feel pretty cool.]

7. The Ditz. [place me in front of a tall boy who’s cute and nice and flirty and every hour of college, tutoring, and generally accumulated brainpower flies out the window faster than you can say “absurd.” i can comfortably be on stage in front of 1000 people, gracefully impress in a job interview, and confidently share my thoughts through a public blog. but an attractive flirty male is still, after all these years, my own personal kryptonite.]

8. The Therapist. [you got a problem? call me. i’ve been told i give really good advice and i listen with everything i’ve got. okay, maybe only if you’re my friend already cause i really don’t have time to start a whole new business.]

9. The Yes Lady. [i have this awful aversion to saying the word no. kind of like my fear of confrontation, i am logically aware that saying no can be a very good thing, and yet….meh. it’s hard. i don’t even worry if people like me anymore, so my brain’s having a hard time wrapping itself around the meaning behind this one.]

10. The Quiet One. [i am a really talkative, open person about 90% of the time. but there is this very substantial part of me who since living alone needs to be completely silent for hours at a time with a great book or movie and nothing but the birds or crickets chirping outside. if my voice is hoarse from lack of use at 9pm, it’s been a really great day spent with my favorite version of Me.]