from ear to ear.

September 30, 2011

10 Sounds, Smells & Textures that Make me Smile:

1. feet crunching over gravel. [i love novels set in the West. Cormac McCarthy is the most permanent part of my library and New Mexico is the most permanent part of my dreams. the sound of a shoe crunching its way across a gravel driveway reminds me of these places i hold dear to my heart. who the hell removed all the gravel from Los Angeles? stupid people.]

2. soft skin. [one thing i dislike about being single is the lack of someone’s soft skin to run my fingers across whenever i feel the urge. other people’s skin inevitably feels softer to the touch than my own and i always smile at the goosebumps i can create.]

3. garlic and/or shallots sautéing. [throw a little butter in a pan with these finely chopped goodies and the aroma reassures me that i just did something so right. the smell of garlic that lingers on my fingertips for hours after mincing makes the whole thing even sweeter.]

4. matches. [when i was a kid i believed that i was pyromaniac. i loved the sound of that word and the rebellion it brought to mind. much later i realized i just really like the smell of sulfur. c’est la vie to one more disorder i don’t actually have.]

5. snow. [i moved to California to avoid the harsh winters of Boston and New York, but often i miss a few essential winter elements. the powdery touch of clean snow after it’s just fallen. the crunching sound that boots make on freshly packed snow. maybe i just love “crunching” sounds in general.]

6. cigars. [don’t have a clue where this obsession came from but there is something about the smell of a cigar that reminds me of holidays and martinis and autumn. i’ve probably just seen too many movies. or maybe George Burns was my real father.]

7. the perfect ball strike. [when you try your damndest to hit a tiny white ball towards a flag that seems so close yet so far, there is nothing like that distinct snapping sound when your club makes perfect contact. it’s good enough to make people addicted to a sport they always thought was a drab, silly waste of time.]

8. a baby giggling. [there is a 7 minute video somewhere on Facebook of me making my best friend’s baby laugh. you can hear her say in the background “i think he’s gonna win Tra” but honestly, i would never have stopped. ever.]

9. lightening & rain. [on an airplane going home to visit my family, i get excited thinking about the lightening and rain that i am likely to experience in the glass porch of my parents’ home. sitting in the dark, listening to the teasing drizzle or the pounding downpour onto their deck, waiting for random flashes of lightening that allow me to see every boat and slat of the dock below. mmm i just shivered and smiled.]

10. wood burning. [i love taking a walk down a deserted, dimly lit street and breathing in the faint smell of firewood burning in houses unknown. at that moment i will run home, jump in my car, grab a few logs from the local store, and make a fire of my own before the night is over. it’s right around the corner and i am giggling in anticipation.]

Advertisements

The Heart of the Matter.

September 28, 2011

10 Lessons Learned after 20 Years of Falling in & out of Love:

1. take nothing for granted. [my first boyfriend wrote me poetry, told me he loved me every day, and basically felt that i was the best thing that could ever have happened to him. i got sick of the poetry, annoyed at the constant affection, and was convinced he was crazy for thinking that i was amazing. i was only 15, but i think life is pretty hilarious. i will never take anything or anyone for granted like that again.]

2. when a person shows you who they really are, believe them. [the smartest thing Oprah ever said. i have a tendency to see the good in people. this also lends itself to making excuses for those who show me who they really are, or even tell me straight out in plain english. i definitely have a predisposition towards falling for the potential instead of the person. working on it.]

3. the heart knows best. [i don’t think anyone can explain certain aspects of love. sometimes, as if you are Juliet, you just get this feeling of certainty when you see someone from across a room. sometimes you wake up one day and realize your best friend is the love of your life and has been there all along. sometimes you can’t explain why, but you feel you’ve always known who you are going to end up with. don’t let anyone call you crazy, because the heart really does know best.]

4. choosing someone out of loneliness might as well be choosing no one at all. [i once dated the now brother-in-law of a great friend of mine. it only lasted about 2 weeks ~ which i can say with great confidence was best for the both of us ~ but looking back i also realize this was a choice made out of sheer loneliness. we were at a wedding, i had just broken off a very long and tumultuous relationship, and the rest is clear. a big lesson learned in 2 lousy little weeks.]

5. the mistake is part of the journey. [i hate cliches that are true even though i created a list about them. “it’s all part of the journey” drives me bonkers mostly because it’s accurate. honestly, if i didn’t have relationships that were pure heartbreak, absolute failure, and a traumatic waste of time how would i know what i’m really desiring?]

6. anything is possible. [i’m a hopeless romantic and an optimist which also makes me certifiably insane. i believe that it’s never too late, that anything could happen with anyone, that my instincts will be right “this time,” and that even unrealistic movie moments can manifest. God help me i hope i am at least a little on track.]

7. time makes the heart grow wiser. [when you are 23 it’s impossible to be aware of what is going to make you happy for the next 50 years. it’s the sweet little things in love that get us through the day-to-day. only as we grow older and spend more time with ourselves can we figure out what all that little crap is for each of us. course, years of breakups increases that knowledge too. either one will work.]

8. timing is everything. [i believe everything happens for a reason. i do not believe it’ll happen when you are least expecting it. does this make sense at all? look, i think we’re all expecting it subconsciously. okay, so maybe it won’t happen when you are desperate and scouring the internet until 3am every morning; agreed. but i think the real truth to timing is that it’s all meant to happen when it’s supposed to. whatever, you get the point.]

9. learn to pretend there’s more to life. [this is a lyric from an old Indigo Girls song and those lovely lesbians really knew how to put emotion into words. pretending there is more to life than love, focusing on everything else that fulfills you as a person first is key. this is of course in complete contradiction to number 8 but hey, i am single and confused.]

10. no one is a better judge than yourself. [things happen behind closed doors that can never be fully understood by anyone other than the two people locked in that room. sure, we can all explain things ’til our cheeks are purple but really, only a couple in love knows the heart of the matter.]

down the toilet.

September 27, 2011

10 Things we Buy and then Never Use:

1. gourmet soup & other canned goods. [like many things, moving day is my special reminder of this dilemma. my cupboards resemble a clown car and you wouldn’t believe how the cans just keep on coming. how much soup and corn and beans did i ever think i was going to consume? whoever came up with the idea of canned food drives was a total genius.]

2. multi vitamins. [sometimes it’s in the Walgreens waiting for my prescription to be filled. sometimes it’s in Target when my mind completely disconnects from reality and i begin throwing bras and t-shirts and tvs and picture frames into my basket as if i am about to go underground for the next few years. but where ever it occurs, the fact is i don’t take multi-vitamins because i forget. they have a cozy little uneaten home here.]

3. SAG memberships. [sorry, i know this doesn’t apply to many people reading this but hey ~ it’s my blog. i will always pay my SAG dues for 1 reason: my parents helped me with the enormous downpayment years ago, and i CANNOT let that go to waste ever. thank you mom & dad. i promise to book a well-paying SAG job very soon that will make all these years of dues paying totally worth it. ]

4. dvds. [bought with the best intentions i am sure. every time i see a movie that moves me i am inspired to make a note on my calendar of its dvd release date and purchase it without question. but really, who wants to watch a movie more than twice? unless you are 8 years old and E.T. or Batman or The Wizard of Oz is the center of the universe of course.]

5. food processors & other fancy appliances. [we all have 1 or 2 or 9 of these in our kitchen. which one you decide to ignore after purchase differs per person depending on your lifestyle, but it’s time to admit it. you spent $200 on an espresso machine long ago and enjoy wiping the dust off of it every week while imagining how great it’ll be when you have time to make an espresso and go outside on a Sunday morning with that and a book. sure, it’ll happen sometime before you’re 65.]

6. cheap clothing. [$8 t-shirts and $20 pants are as enticing as pizza; i am literally incapable of saying no. unless it’s from Forever XXI, it’s lost for good until i do a closet purge that’s so long overdue i can tell what year i purchased each item with one glance.]

7. gym memberships. [hahahahaha.]

8. candles. [i have an obsession with the cereal aisle in the grocery store. ooh, the shampoo aisle too. there is just something so exciting about looking at rows of pretty boxes or bottles with all different colors and shapes and tastes and scents. similarly, the nightmare of Ikea can turn into pure delight all because of the candles. so many to choose from i just can’t help myself. i think the power would have to go out every 4 days or i’d have to take a bath 3 times a day to ever get through all those tea lights.]

9. umbrellas. [now these i would totally use if two things started happening. first it would need to rain in Los Angeles more than 1 month out of every year. then, i’d need to keep track of the umbrella and remember to have it near me during that one month. neither thing has happened to date, but as i’ve said several times before, i am a true optimist.]

10. college degrees. [i was lucky enough to go to an exceptional college and i wouldn’t change it for the world. 1995-2000 was half a decade of me figuring out how to survive without parents while being a constant sponge for information, philosophies, money management, and the intricacies of people outside of my immediate family. a degree was purchased and never used, but the story behind it is Amex priceless.]

Vanishing Act.

September 22, 2011

10 Things that Mysteriously Disappear:

1. socks. [so cliche but so true. i don’t attribute this to the washing machine. i literally will wash a pair of socks, take both of them out of the dryer, and place them in my top drawer. but i swear to God every time i get dressed for a workout and reopen that drawer, suddenly there are NONE. what gnome has a pot belly full of my god damn Nike ankle socks?]

2. pens. [i tested this theory. two weeks ago i purchased a pack of 20 pens and stuck the whole package into my glove compartment. two weeks later, tonight, i walked out to my car, opened said glovey and the package is still there but nows contains exactly 14. thank goodness they’re a tax write-off cause this is ludicrous.]

3. hair ties. [okay yes, these tend to show up at a later date when i move and all the dust and spare change and pens and hair ties are uncovered where my bed once was. this does not in any way explain how they got under the bed in the first place.]

4. cash. [i’ll admit, i’m not too great about counting singles and knowing exactly what was in my purse at the start of a day, but i am pretty positive there’s a petty thief living with me or near me or working with me or something. either that or the more obvious answer which is my cats are eating dollar bills when i don’t come home to feed them until 1am.]

5. Post-its. [identical to the pen problem, but i haven’t put it to the test yet. i feel like i am always buying these in fun neons and pastels when i do a Target run and then somehow, as soon as i get a phone call where i need to jot something down, i am forced to resort to a napkin on my desk leftover from breakfast.]

6. headphones. [my expensive audio headphones are from 1988 so there are exceptions to this rule, but those earbuds that come with my Mac or an airline or my cellphone…where are they? i know there is a massive gang of headphones hanging out in a closet just waiting to creep into my bedroom one night and wrap their little cords around me like the giant at the top of the beanstalk.]

7. dates. [lately i have discovered that dating is hard. actually, it kind of sucks. so i am on an official hiatus currently. why you ask? well, it seems a lot of people in Los Angeles are well-schooled in a “disappearing” act that would challenge Houdini. that’s all i have to say about that. let’s move on.]

8. FB friends. [doesn’t happen too often but now and again i’ll be on Facebook and see i have something like 241 friends. in that moment i notice the number and make some strange mental note of it. next day, 240. uh ~ what’d i do?]

9. anger over the small stuff. [the little things that infuriate me the most always leave so suddenly, without any warning at all. this of course is a wonderful thing to be grateful for, but i can’t help but wonder why every negative feeling i’ve ever had in my life can’t work exactly the same way. here one minute, completely wiped from my memory the next. it’s quite lovely.]

10. kitties. [this is the best disappearing act of all time. if you are male, new to my home, and happen to be very tall or have large feet you will never meet my cats. well, Gus loves everyone so i suppose for accuracy’s sake we’re talking about one giant, matted, frightened Mainecoon in La Crescenta.]

10 Movies America Loved that I did Too:

1. Fight Club. [this movie illuminates the dreams of any and all humans with a functioning brain. if you loath bureaucracy and the cliche human condition and wish you could break every rule that’s supposed to apply, you get it and are instinctively drawn to it. so am i.]

2. Forrest Gump. [the sweetest character ever created to date and it’s hard to beat. the lessons of unconditional love and joy that come out of this box of chocolates gets me every time. see, that was cheesy and it still worked cause it’s Forrest.]

3. No Country for Old Men. [there is something about a film where you don’t really know what’s going on and yet you don’t want to blink because you’ll miss something. when characters are so dark they make you squirm, and when the cinematography is so crystal clear in its vision that you can smell the blood and feel the sandy gravel under your nails it’s magic.]

4. Up. [Pixar’s crowning jewel in my mind; this movie covers the gamut. love, loneliness, friendship, revenge, dreams, loyalty and love for animals. how they squeezed all that into one animated film still baffles me.]

5. Shawshank Redemption. [a perfect friendship. a man whose last goal in life is simply salvaging his dignity. a new perspective on what truly lies at our core as human beings. brilliant.]

6. 500 Days of Summer. [i know it’s not the best movie ever. BUT, no other movie in the last several years made me giggle and settle in and enjoy like this one. give me a sweet, lost boy falling in love with a quirky, lost girl who doesn’t love him as much and i am good for two hours. singing and dancing, love scenes in Ikea, and a soundtrack that includes The Smiths can’t really go wrong.]

7. The Big Lebowski. [we all get it but i’m going to say it anyway. caucasians, the Dude, bowling, great dialogue, porn, comedians that make you laugh just by looking at them, and a script that’s solid as fuck. YEAH. never gets old.]

8. The Notebook. [the movie fanatic part of me fell in love with ryan g. a little bit before this movie was released so him playing a man who builds a dream home for the woman he’s always loved and literally waits for her there was just icing on the cake. he continues to stun me with his choices and i am positive this is my generation’s Paul Newman. go see Drive. if you haven’t seen Lars and the Real Girl rent that first.]

9.  Office Space. [i think i’ve watched this movie 50 times. seriously. i’ve only seen Batman more. okay that’s weird. but to this day i cannot wait to take a sledge hammer to a fax machine. i am also sure that i will someday walk into one of my jobs and say i just don’t think i care much anymore. jesus i don’t even work in an office.]

10. Sideways. [fucking Merlot. i especially love this movie once the women enter the picture. the raw sensitivity of it all…the way they describe the wine and grapes, their passions and lost relationships, and then we get to laugh about it all. this is how life should be and is.]

Sleep on it.

September 19, 2011

10 People You Should Never Sleep With:

1. the boss. [late nights with dim lighting, a serious lack of sleep, and a deadline may lend itself to a personal feel but none of it’s reality. the next day, you still get paid by this person so even if it was just for a night, you basically took on a second profession.]

2. the coworker. [the morning walk of shame can only get more shameful when the two of you are walking to the same building. bet you at least one person in the office notices yesterday’s clothing and now the can of worms is officially wide open.]

3. the best friend. [thank god my current best friends are all female and i am not a lesbian. there is a lot to be said for marrying your best friend, but i think that means you form that bond after or during the romance; not before.]

4. the family. [even though i was raised in the South, i don’t mean this in the “toothless siblings” way. yet, i have a gut feeling sex with your second-cousin-through-marriage still stirs up some trouble when Thanksgiving rolls around.]

5. the bartender. [i don’t actually think there’s anything wrong with the bartenders themselves, but those of us on the receiving end of the drinks may not always be in our best decision-making state by the time we’re stumbling our way to their apartment.]

6. the celebrity. [yes, they are human just like the rest of us…but not really. they travel 335 days out of the year, spend most of their time with other famous people, and are more than likely to be the most narcissistic people you’ll ever meet. i love the exceptions to this rule though. you go Mrs. Damon.]

7. the musician. [let’s face it; they meet about 300 hot people every day who want to have sex with them and eventually they are bound to start seeing a blurred array of faces more than individuals. better to dream about the musician while sleeping with the graphic designer.]

8. the model. [this is simple: they’ve been beautiful their whole lives and therefore have never had to work hard at something as artful as intimacy. if you want a night not to remember okie dokie.]

9. the bad ex. [it didn’t work the first time and i don’t know anyone who just “forgets” all of the emotions that come with a breakup. they’re still bad for you, they still have all the annoying habits they had 2 years ago, it still won’t go anywhere, so let’s move on already.]

10. the teacher. [i am a sucker for authority figures and would definitely have trouble keeping my pants on in a hostage situation. but at the end of the day, bartering for a grade or freedom is no way to start a relationship.]

To my Heart’s Content.

September 16, 2011

10 Foods that Stir up Memories:

1. paella. [some families do turkey, some families do honey-baked ham and then there’s my family who has to have their paella. a spanish grandmother who was loved by everyone she met started this tradition and it will always remain. saffron rice, fresh mussels, pimentos and chorizo imported from Spain is the only way i know how to celebrate Christmas. every December 26th begins the process of thinking about this meal for the next 364 days.]

2. brats. [i am a Green Bay Packers fan. the why and the how are another story, but this fandom is now a part of me and those damn Wisconsin brats are essential to remembering every game i’ve ever been to and enjoying every one i’ll see in the future. mustard and onions please.]

3. avocados. [i have a terrible memory. in fact, i’d say 70% of my childhood is sort of “missing” from my noggin as if all of the jobs and relationships and math problems in my life needed that space. however, every time i eat an avocado i remember early evenings growing up at home. you can’t eat dinner unless you’ve cut an avocado in half, poured some oil and vinegar into the center, sprinkled on some salt and grabbed the nearest spoon.]

4. fried rice balls. [i lived above a deli in Brooklyn for 1 fabulous year in the 90s. there are many odors wafting around the streets of NY but i remember our apartment smelling of fried rice balls filled with melty cheese. i suppose it’s not a huge mystery why i gained 15 pounds in Carroll Gardens.]

5. brisket. [my grandmother was Spanish but she married a Jewish man. this has provided a unique and wonderful combination of foods that go way beyond paella. her brisket melted in your mouth and made you wonder how vegans live with themselves.]

6. cookie dough. [the last time i saw my first love was sitting on the floor of a hotel room talking all night, smoking cigarettes and eating raw cookie dough. i haven’t had it since because i think it might make me fall to pieces.]

7. crepes. [one of my best friends created an unforgettable 35th birthday for herself, inviting everyone who could come to Paris to enjoy a fast and furious weekend of art, chocolate, incessant walking, espresso, and magical crepes. i am turning 35 in less than 5 months. who’s coming?]

8. lobster & crab. [i lived on Martha’s Vineyard for a summer long, long ago and still miss exploring the beaches, riding my bike everywhere, and seeking out hidden vistas to read and write and listen to music. the sharp crack of a lobster claw brings me back there in a heartbeat.]

9. smores. [in college i was poor. more accurately 100% broke. but each week i’d save every penny i had to walk up 5th Avenue, duck my head into a little bar/coffee shop called Xando and devour ‘Smores with my best friend. i’m not a dessert freak but when you shove a piece of chocolate, a graham cracker, and some marshmallow into my mouth it’s like i’m wide-eyed and 19 all over again.]

10. matzah brei. [again, my family is a bit of an amalgamation of Jewish-Spanish-Canadian traditions. hence a Passover breakfast food for a girl who’s never been to Temple. my grandfather must have had something to do with this, but all i know is my mom’s version of this buttery morning goodness actually makes me consider moving back in with my parents. sometimes.]

test the water.

September 14, 2011

10 Things we Dread until we Do Them:

1. working out. [nobody looks forward to this except those crazy trainers who totally have a screw loose and probably don’t even sleep. but you know…once you’re about halfway through that exhausting, sweaty torture invigoration sets in. endorphins are pretty neat-o.]

2. conquering a phobia. [i have witnessed this firsthand and it’s awesome as hell to watch. my ex had a huge fear of heights and walked across a rickety bridge that was about 200 feet above a rocky and jagged river. the look on his face after conquering that bridge is permanently etched in my memory to this day.]

3. childbirth. [i have yet to meet a girl friend who felt pure excitement and anticipation at the thought of pushing a cantaloupe out of her lower region. i have yet to meet a guy friend who felt ready and financially secure and just couldn’t wait for his bundle of joy to hurry up already. okay, well maybe towards the very end but those last 2 weeks are my only exception.]

4. taking a risk. [doing something against your nature…moving to a town where you don’t know anyone…changing jobs without any experience…letting your heart go and leaping into a relationship. you can’t know unless you risk it and i’ll bet that whatever the outcome there’s no regrets baby; no regrets.]

5. throwing up. [it all starts with that creeping heat that slowly flushes into your cheeks and spreads to your neck and forehead. then, the sweats. next your throat feels like it’s got a Boa constrictor or a wrestler attached and you just know it’s got to happen. the bliss of feeling normal and healthy and empty afterwards can’t be beat.]

6. marriage. [okay i’ll admit not everybody fears their wedding day, but i know a few who did. then they had their beautiful moment on a beach or on a mountain or in a church or in an Arby’s. once your whole family is sitting staring at you and crying and murmuring romantic coos while solemn life promises are being made, i believe you could consider the dread a distant memory.]

7. buying a house. [i have no personal experience, but i hear that some serious trepidation is involved with this event. pounds of paperwork, pushy realtors, confusing brokers, and pretty much the scariest, biggest purchase of your life. then you are sitting on your front porch with a beer and a book and don’t remember any of it. kind of like number 3.]

8. confrontation. [not necessarily angry, crazy, hair-pulling kind of showdowns; just confrontation in general. when i step up and tell someone what i really think, i feel my gut sigh with relief and delight that i did it.]

9. night swimming. [the inspiration for this list tonight. the colder it gets outside the harder it is to jump in, but trust is key. trust that you’ll hit that water, freeze for a nanosecond and then feel the best you’ve felt all week. now the real difficult part is getting out.]

10. saying i love you. [so scary. will they say it back? are you even sure? will it change anything by saying it out loud? and then the deed is done and however it’s received you’re sure it was a moment that was always meant to be.]

Save Yourself.

September 13, 2011

10 things You should Never buy from the 99¢ Store:

1. ant traps. [i bet these are subtly planted in the store by the ants themselves. they don’t actually kill anything but in fact make them grow stronger and smarter and they will slowly take over your house and then your neighborhood and then eventually, the whole wide world.]

2. knives. [skin and fingers and nails all spend a lot of time mighty close to this necessary utensil. i’d rather try to chop with a spatula and deal with the mushy consequences.]

3. eyeglasses. [there aren’t enough terrible drivers in the world. all we need are people that literally can’t see anything because they purchased their glasses for under $1.]

4. children’s toys. [any toy bought for 99 cents is probably tiny enough to choke on, but that can happen to anyone. i think it’s more concerning that if it’s a GI Joe knockoff when it finally comes out of the kid’s mouth their tongue may be a permanent Army green.]

5. wedding favors. [i do not believe that everyone should spend a fortune on their wedding, but these people you’ve invited are often flying in from thousands of miles away…paying good dough for a hotel room of your choice…and typically giving you a thoughtful present. yep, nothing says thank you like a cheap themed magnet.]

6. underwear. [for some reason i feel our most personal areas should be attended to with great caution. exactly why are these garments 99 cents? no one needs a recalled or defective pair of panties.]

7. champagne glasses. [so you finally plan on having your future in-laws over for a well planned homemade dinner. you spend hours scouring Foodnetwork.com recipes and put together just the right menu. champagne is purchased to celebrate the lovely occasion and then you pour it into…these? they won’t like it and they won’t support a ring being put on it.]

8. hair dye. [if you have a costume party coming up and don’t have a specific color preference for your head, this will be a fun experiment. i’ve heard that many items in the 99 Cent Store are simply close to expiring. buy the hair dye, keep it in your medicine cabinet for another 4 months and then please, please, please send me pictures. it’s all in the name of research.]

9. sleep aids. [my best friend recently wrote a blog piece about her experiences with Ambien and it got me to thinking that everyone should try and recreate such moments. we all want to provide our friends and family with laughter and entertainment and nothing beats what you can do in the middle of the night while drugged and sleepwalking.]

10. a 12 pack of condoms. [if you secretly want a baby take this as a brilliant little tip from me. your partner will never know and he/she will think the pregnancy was meant to be because you took all the necessary precautions. you can name the child after me; i don’t mind.]

If the shoe fits.

September 12, 2011

10 Cliches that are Completely True:

1. the devil is in the details. [i am obsessed with overanalyzing just as much as the next girl who is single and has little to do late at night. yet, when i am at my quietest and look at something from the simplest perspective possible, great revelations occur.]

2. absence makes the heart grow fonder. [it’s a universal joke that’s played on all of us. the more i live without something, the more i love it and crave it and feel it’s the only thing that would make my life perfect. and every once in a while, it does just that.]

3. the grass is always greener. [a symbiotic match to number 2 resembling a biopolar disorder that comes out of nowhere. that job he has is awesome. oh no, now i have it and it’s totally boring. that neighborhood is amazing. oh crap, now i live there and there’s no parking. relationships are the key to happiness. oh no, now i’m married and realize that being single was a gift i never appreciated. the truth is, unless my lawn is dry and patchy, cracked and totally unattended to, it’s still green.]

4. beauty is in the eye of the beholder. [the longer i live and the closer i feel to my friends and family the more impeccable they seem. and guess what? i may live in LA but no one in my circle is a supermodel.]

5. better late than never. [life is short. if i get somewhere i’ve always wanted to be, even if it’s about 30 years later than i originally planned, that f’ing rocks. if i accomplish something that adds worth to my life, i could be 101 years old. the when is insignificant.]

6. there’s no place like home. [my parents say that when i was very young i wanted to watch The Wizard of Oz over and over again every day and that the way i requested this movie was by yelling “Dorofy!  Dorofy!” for me home is not necessarily a geographical location, but where i feel comfort, love, and the incessant need to smile. no place like it.]

7. you can’t teach an old dog new tricks. [once a person passes the age of 35 their ability to change anything meaningful about their personality reduces by about 90%. if someone shows us who they really are and they’re past their mid-thirties we might want to believe them. change should not be expected, and if it ever does appear, it’ll be a really lovely surprise.]

8. give an inch and they’ll take a mile. [damn us who feel instinctive generosity and damn people who take advantage. my only consolation is that once they are many miles ahead of me on that road to success, they really won’t have a clue what to do with it anyway and a car crash is imminent.]

9. the more things change, the more things stay the same. [in college i told people that i wished i had lived in the 50s because i felt out of place in my generation. since then it’s become clearer that we just recycle everything anyway and it’s all relative. after taking a closer look, politics, religion, trends, friends and relationships all have the same common threads and i know where i am isn’t an era, it’s just good ol’ life.]

10. you only live once. [didn’t i mention something about life being short earlier? doing what fills me with passion…what makes me tingly all over…what brings back that kid-like joy. i may wind up doing some harebrained things, but hopefully when all is said and done, regret won’t be in my vocabulary when i’m 70.]