[sniffle].

10 Things That Bring Me to Tears:

1. animals or inanimate objects being seriously injured. [that’s correct ~ humans dying doesn’t do it for me. cartoon animals, robots, and random objects are much more effective. from a dog (I Am Legend) to a volleyball (Cast Away) it’s concerning.]

2. babies being born. [i give myself a break for the birth of children to people i know, but strangers? i swear you put a Youtube video in front of me with some absurd bathtub birthing scene and i am a goner for at least half an hour.]

3. the IRS. [taxes and the abhorrent reality of being a 1099 contract worker. somebody save me.]

4. music. [a friend of mine cried at Hitch. i can’t figure this out except maybe the melodies were good? i know that was my problem with Mr. Holland’s Opus.]

5. unrequited love. [this type of shit kills and turns our hearts into tracing paper. once again, some Higher Power out there is in stitches watching as i read my old journals and dissolve into mush on my hardwood floor.]

6. being dunked. [i love the water and am an avid swimmer so this has always been a mystery. if you love me or even like me a little, please don’t dunk my head under water. did i drown in a past life?]

7. stepping on my cat. [i am aware they aren’t hurt but GOD that initial shriek that can only come out of the tiny mouth of a kitty whose paw was just smushed by a Jimmy Choo is traumatic.]

8. The Time Traveler’s Wife. [book not movie and that’s imperative. she’s known him her whole life and has loved him forever and it’s all going to end and they know it but they don’t know when and he wants to control it but he can’t and they want a baby more than anything but he is terrified of the dangerous possibilities and he’s always disappearing but she could never love anyone else and…sigh. nothing makes me feel more female.]

9. paper cuts. [i am such a wimp with these little bastards. just chop my finger off at the knuckle.]

10. golf. [violently flinging clubs, stomping out a divot, and chucking balls into the woods is all part of a downward spiral that eventually results in a pitifully choked sob.]