15 seconds.

July 14, 2014


10 fun celebrity moments in the life of me:

1. Han S. [i'm 18, fresh out of high school and fresh into Manhattan. it's already cold and a bit blustery for fall. i'm rushed and stressed ~ as usual ~ so i'm dashing down the sidewalk, 2 large textbooks in hand, looking down to prevent major eye tearing and just as i make a sharp turn onto Mercer i slam into a body. this body is large and male and bending down to help scrape me and my schoolbooks off the NYC pavement. it's Harrison Ford. he smiles and apologizes and looks at me quizzically. he is quite the gentleman. i run.]

2. The Green L. [i'm on another blind date ~ see my previous post if you'd like to know more ~ at a fantastic restaurant that's one of my favorites in Los Angeles. we have had a drink and some oysters and are finally settling into the Q&A interview session that most blind dates become when the hottest male i've ever seen in person sits next to me. it's Ryan Reynolds. i didn't even think Ryan Reynolds was attractive before this moment. i was mistaken. this restaurant is small. the tables are touching. this beautiful creature's arm is touching my arm. i have absolutely no recollection of the rest of my date. poor, poor guy.]

3. Marilyn. [so this guy i once knew once told me and a friend i still know that he was once dating a girl in a show that was once filmed in my hometown and that we should both come down to his bar and hang out with him and this girl. this is in the mid-90s by the way. we went because the girl was Michelle Williams and we were curious. she acted like we were stalkers there to abduct and kill her, she looked so thin we were afraid she'd fall off the barstool, and she was generally...not so nice. huh. years later, Blue Valentine allowed me to forgive her completely.]

4. Johnny C. [i'm sitting in a dark italian restaurant in my then neighborhood of Los Feliz when a crowd of young and boisterous men loudly make their way to the table next to me. they are laughing and attracting a lot of attention. all but one of them. it's Joaquin Phoenix. this is way before the "year i grew a really long beard and faked going crazy with Casey Affleck." this is way before Her or The Master - both of which solidified any and all love i have for this man's talent. yet, i was fascinated by the quiet one with the sunglasses who emanated some sort of alien essence that made you want to walk right up to him and touch. what a weird thing that "x" factor is.]

5. Matlock. [i was a teenager and i was ecstatic to book a scene in a Movie of the Week that was not only a few pages but with the lead actor of the film, Andy Griffith. ecstatic. over the moon. nervous. elated. after 9 hours on set with this drunk old man yelling at me that i didn't know my lines and line producers and PA's and a bunch of other amazing grips and such constantly trying to make me understand that he was just wasted and didn't know his lines and everything was going to be okay and it wasn't my fault...well, let's just say i wasn't surprised that shit hit the cutting room floor like a sack of old potatoes.]

6. M. [there's nothing like the misery of waitressing in NYC. especially at a 4 star celebrity owned restaurant. but we are not here to talk about the owner ~ i think that would push this post to the dark side. today, we are here to honor the time i served Dame Judi Dench. this is a simple one really. full of grace and style, she may be the most pleasurable customer i ever had. she made my day in a sea of horrible waitressing days. oh yeah, and the tip was great.]

7. Joey. [actual physical smash-into-one-another moment #2. i'm walking casually through a flower market in the cobblestone historic downtown area of my hometown when i turn a corner ~ again with the corners ~ and run smack into Katie Holmes. we mumble apologies, smile at each other, and move on with our respective lives. not without time for me to notice however, that a) this woman is extremely tall and i am extremely short and b) when we smiled at one another our facial expressions were like looking in a mirror. for a split second katie and i both were like...whaaaaa? i do not think i look like Katie Holmes so i don't know. it was weird and i'm sharing.]

8. Lumbergh. [there's this fundraiser i attend every year. i always go and i always have a great time, but there was this one year where a friend of mine said there was someone i should meet. next thing i know i'm chatting with Gary Cole for an hour about movie making, raising kids, golf, retirement, and god knows what else. this guy is awesome and YES it was hard to keep myself present in this conversation when all i was thinking was "mmm yeah, that'd be great... it would really, really help us out. mmm yeah.]

9. Rachel. [there's this place in West Hollywood where you can get a kick-ass margarita, have some hilarious conversations with incredibly cute gay boys, and you used to be able to smoke. this attracted many types of people including myself and my friends in our 20s. and apparently Jennifer Anniston. every Monday like clockwork we sat next to this woman who didn't wear a lot of makeup, typically had comfy cargos on, and was just an all around genuine sweet person. we drank, we smoked, we laughed, and we so wished she'd step 5 feet closer and join us. oh those Mondays.]

10. The Rage. [i'm 19 and working my second real job ever at the front desk of a small but over-priced gym in SoHo. my best friend has just started working there as well and is also sitting in this front area. my favorite gym member walks in and we greet each other warmly. as always, he asks me how i'm liking the book he lent me and i ask him something similar. he's smart and cute and quiet and a reader and he's always really, really nice to me. we're sort of friends. he walks away to go and get his workout on and my best friend then spends the next hour explaining to me that i'm a total idiot because i don't even know i'm talking to Zack de la Rocha. i had no idea who he was. no wonder he enjoyed talking to me so much.]

OKno gracias

July 9, 2014

kissing frog2

[Note: a few people have recently asked me why i stopped online dating about a year ago. there are several reasons - and many amazing blogs about how horrific online dating can be - so i doubt i need to go into detail. let's just make a list, shall we?]

10 terrible dates over 4 years:

1. “the one who was cheap.” [this actually seemed a normal enough date for a while - very boring but normal - until i finally gave up, quickly paid our tab and said i needed to get home. 5 minutes later, after the most consistent persuading i've ever been privy to, he convinces me to please please please please please please stay and have one more drink with him. 25 minutes, 3 more boring topics of conversation and 2 empty glasses later he stared at that check like it was Satan himself. i paid again. thanks guy - so glad i didn't go home and watch Girls.]

2. “the one who liked to bargain.” [a round of mini golf and the following scenario: he stops, mini golf club in hand, hanging in mid air as if he has some wondrous thought. i say, "what?" he says, "i just don't think i can continue playing. i can't play any longer until...well if you gave me a kiss, i could muster the courage." this was the beginning of a late night of me trying desperately to get him to finish the god damn mini golf and stop bargaining for kisses. because, i suppose i should add, these were the WORST kisses i've ever experienced in my life. they weren't even kisses. it's a total injustice to use the word kiss. triple bleh.]

3. “the one who thought he was smart.” [i actually introduced this one to my friends. this guy was always wanting to prove his intelligence but weirdly had no sense of humor. zero. he literally could not understand a knock knock joke. my friends constantly looked at him - and me - with the oddest of expressions.]

4. “the one who was gay.” [we only had one quiet lovely dinner, but sometimes you just know right away. i didn't like him because he reminded me of my best friend in NY who's a girl. he didn't like me because of some missing equipment. we parted gracefully.]

5. “the one who was silent.” [this extremely attractive fellow didn't say anything all night. we ate a meal, we went to a concert, we met up with some of his friends. honestly, not a word. well maybe 25 words but that was only after i asked questions that had to be answered. sometimes i'd ask a question and he would just ignore it. best exercise in patience ever.]

6. “the one who was an acting coach.” [he's an acting coach who travels the world and does seminars and such. but this guy with a comb-over at 31 really wanted to make it CLEAR that he didn't like to mix business with pleasure or talk about his career. we talked about him being an acting coach for 3 hours. by the end of the night i lied and told him my profile was old and hadn't been updated and i had quit acting years ago. and scene.]

7. “the one that was sad.” [after a brief hello and some drink ordering this pour soul explains to me that his mom just died, and he's desperately trying to figure out how to get out of his horrible job. a night at Laurel Hardware spent talking about his work and how stressful it is while he's continually checking his phone and talking more and more about his dead mom. i gave him an extra big hug goodnight.]

8. “the one who was sweaty.” [it's 50 something degrees in Silverlake and this one is sweating through his shirt at the bar. i'm pretty sure the shirt was supposed to be a light blue button-up but it was really....wet. so it's hard to know for sure. he went to the bathroom for 10 minutes to "fix it" after admitting "he was a little hot." he then proceeded to sweat until there was really nothing else left to talk about, so we talked about him sweating while i drank a beer like it was one enormous shot, threw my sweater back on, and called it a night.]

9. “the one who hated women.” [yes, i'd like to spend an entire dinner talking about your ex-wife and how she's nuts and wants to rob you of all of your money that you inherited when your dad died when you were 7 and how all women are crazy and horrible and monsters and how it's better just to be alone and how stupid marriage is and how all women are really just after a guy's money. YES PLEASE.]

10. “the one who hated to lose.” [not sure if i missed the memo about some competition taking place, but i spent this evening very confused about my date's responses and conversational tactics in general. i could say anything. anything at all, like "yes, i think that movie is really awesome and i especially loved the part when that kid died." his response would be " you win!" over and over. i am not sure what i won that night but clearly i came out ahead.]

**if you want to read about more terrible online dating stories, click on this link. you’ll fall in love with her. What’s In The Box?

your search ends…

June 30, 2014


[Note of importance: My roommate and I are a bit...behind in our conquering of this tiny little show called Game of Thrones. We are working diligently to rectify this quickly. The other evening we decided to do a quick Google search due to our impatience with a certain character. We typed 6 letters into Google and our question popped up as the 2nd possible choice. Google's algorithms fascinate me and have spurned me to make a list. Enjoy.]

5 amazing Google algorithms that have baffled myself and/or my friends:

1. what ep...does joffrey die

letters typed: 6.  magical telepathic answer: #2. [yes, Google, yes.]

2. is so...y gluten free_1

letters typed: 4.  magical telepathic answer: #4. [gotta ask when sushi is a priority.]

3. am i...pregnant

letters typed: 3.  correct answer: #2. [sometimes you just need to make sure.]

4. what is the le...ftovers about

letters typed: 11.  correct answer: #1. [interesting previews lead to interesting questions.]

5. is my...boyfriend gayletters typed: 4.  correct answer: #4. [again...just making sure.]




5 very odd Google algorithms that confound myself and/or my friends:

1. which d...ivergent fraction are you

letters typed: 6.  oddball answer: #4. [number 1 is kind of funny but number 4 means...what exactly?]

2. making...my way downtown

letters typed: 6.  oddball answer: #4. [um...k.]

3. is h...he the one

letters typed: 3.  oddball answer: #3. [does Google really know?!]

4. why do g...uys get boners

letters typed: 6.  oddball answer: #2. [huh, i never thought that was confusing.]

5. when w...ill I die

letters typed: 5.  oddball answer: #3. [oh my, does Google know this too?]




5 mantras that are totally overrated.

1. Stay positive. [sometimes i hate Oprah. i remember a special she did once on being positive and i recall thinking there were several great things to take away from the episode. i believe in manifestation. i believe in keeping your thoughts and perspective light and positive because life is short. but when you tell me to "stay positive" after some psychopath killed a girl who didn't want to go to the prom with him, i might just tell Oprah she can suck it.]

2. Never give up. [huh? sometimes what we are striving toward or dealing with isn't the best thing for us and it simply takes us a little while to see it. when you realize that job or that living situation or that person isn't doing you any favors guess what you should do?]

3. Time heals all wounds. [again, some truth, okay. we've all been burned and certainly as time passes things get a bit duller - wounds seem less fresh and we move on. but some wounds are going to leave a perfect pink scar - reminding us of where we've been, who we've loved and how bumpy the journey can be. i'll show you mine if you show me yours.]

4. Tomorrow is another day. [yes, thank you, very wise, thank you. but what if i get hit by a semi tomorrow before my day even got started? just sayin.]

5. Don’t sweat the small stuff. [i sweat the small stuff. when something big happens i can be very zen and fully navigate the situation with grace. the small stuff like traffic and idiotic people and my annoying pets and my friend that totally misunderstood me and the ants that keep invading my house... these things make me sweat. and i think that makes me human.]

5 mantras that aren’t overrated.

1. Sometimes, simply by sitting, the soul collects wisdom. [the universe is sending me a sign. it's called a "you need to start fucking meditating sign." cause everywhere i go lately, it's mentioned, recommended, lectured, gently advocated - directly to me. so i started sitting. thank you universe, my soul is starting to feel better already.]

2. In order to carry a positive action we must develop a positive vision. [as my cat meows at me in his loudest most abrasive kitty voice just outside our side door RIGHT NOW, i know i must turn this vision on its head. in order to not hit said kitty i must think "thank god my cat is alive and able to meow." i think this about covers it.]

3. I will accept the things I cannot change. [i'm a go-with-the-flow kinda gal. not too controlling, willing to see another person's point of view and even more willing to adopt it if it makes sense to me. but still... so difficult to remember when something isn't going my way. a death-like grip and an insane stubbornness to try and change it might not be the answer. acceptance can be key. some things just... are.]

4. No matter what the situation, remind yourself “I have a choice.” [i had an acting coach - a good one actually - who used to always tell me my block or the issue i most had to overcome was playing the victim in my life. we all have choices. nobody wants to hear someone complain over and over about their situation and take zero action toward changing it. those people are really god damn irritating.]

5. Happiness is a continuation of happenings which are not resisted. [life is about flow. mindfulness and flow. yes, i might be meditating and i might just like it.]

the happiest place

November 15, 2013


10 reasons every adult should appreciate Disneyland:

1. the best people watching ever. [my friends and i often come up with a theme for the people that are trending in Disney that day. there's "are they a couple?" days, "cute or ugly kid" days, and my favorite - "mismatched body" days. that's when people look like one half of their body doesn't go with the other. better than LAX.]

2. you’re old enough and smart enough to strategize. [when i was a kid i was so excited to go on everything i remember just wanting to run from one thing to another, never thinking about lines or rest or bathroom breaks or food. 25 years later there's serious strategy to enjoying the parks. plot your fast passes, move in the opposite direction of the crowd, and drink when all else fails. it makes an adult feel quite accomplished.]

3. there’s alcohol. [California Adventure serves alcohol. too many strollers? feeling like the crowds are a bit much? make a toast at the winery and focus on the fact that you're not working.]

4. there’s food. [sure, you can still grab a corn dog or some cotton candy if that's what your heart desires, but there's also Carthay Circle. a full replica of a 1920's theater with a pristine lounge, astounding martinis, and a pretty damn great rack of lamb. this ain't your mama's theme park.]

5. it’s for every season. [there's water rides in the heat of summer, elaborate pumpkins and orange-lit trees at Halloween, and snow falling in the streets at Christmas. we may never be able to tell what season it is in Los Angeles unless we run down to Anaheim for the day.]

6. it’s a great way to spend a day off. [every time i come home from a day at Disney my feet and legs ache and i feel that wonderful exhaustion from a mixture of laughing, screaming, and endless walking. you can't get all that from the gym or the couch.]

7. screaming is cathartic. [i'm not a huge screamer, but when i do it's like driving a golf ball 300 yards. it's nearly impossible to dwell over a bad work week while you're in a swinging gondola 160 feet above water.]

8. hearing other people scream is cathartic. [one of my favorite moments is when i step into the Tower of Terror elevator and realize our car is full of people that are scared out of their minds. or have no idea what they are about to experience. when the elevator starts to shake right before it drops out from under you... and i know the people around me are going to scream bloody murder i can't help but giggle.]

9. it’s so freaking clean. [i don't know how they do it, but it's better not to question. Disneyland isn't only the happiest place on earth, it's also the cleanest. you would think a kid would barf in the street or some teenagers would take markers to the bathroom stalls... yeah, better not to question.]

10. Ryan Gosling likes it. [yeah, yeah, i hear the groans but he really does love Disneyland. just admit it; the guy's got taste in many things so we can trust him. plus i'm pretty sure he's a full-fledged adult.]

in the name of the…

June 16, 2013

dad and me

10 Things i Love About my Father

1. his corny jokes. [no one will ever be as corny as my dad. corny in the best way possible. there's a definite skill to the pun and the off-the-cuff dirty rhyme and my dad has perfected this over many years. no need to ask for it. just wait and you'll be wondering why you're laughing so hard over something so silly.]

2. his ability to be gentle. [i got a splinter a few weeks ago and my first thought was, "well that thing is going to be stuck in there until i go home for a visit." he's like a surgeon with a tweezer. it's out in 2 seconds and you never even knew it was there.]

3. his ability to do everything well. [wtf is up with this? he picks up a golf club for the first time EVER and hits straight and long. he tries a video game he's never seen before and beats you without breaking a sweat. naturally good at everything, he's always been my inspiration that we can do anything we set our minds to with grace and confidence.]

4. his unwavering support. [i honestly believe that if i woke up tomorrow and decided i wanted to be a prostitute he'd say something like, "okaayyy, that's cool. now let's talk about the positives and negatives of this profession." not literally, but close enough.]

5. his back scratches. [i learned from my father that there is no better cure for anything in the world than a great back scratch. i'm still looking for a great back scratcher in L.A. but i doubt anyone's really going to be able to measure up.]

6. his love of a good time. [some may call it knocking back a few but my dad calls it getting "double goosed." this can be a direct reference to number 1 and it's pretty awesome.]

7. his love in general. [let's face it, nobody loves you like your parents. i happen to be lucky enough to have great friends in my life whom i call family, but nothing means more than the unconditional love from my father. it's that "i'd run in front of a bus to make you smile" kind of feeling that only he can give.]

8. his sense of adventure. [getting lost in the wilderness of Costa Rica. ice fishing with hot chocolate at 5am in New Jersey. hiking until we're lost in the Blue Ridge Mountains. i've heard a few stories about some crazy times in the Virgin Islands before i was born. yeah, i'd say he's willing to jump in and soak up every minute of it.]

9. his compassion. [my father taught me how to be fair and to always try and put myself in someone else's shoes. i like to think of myself as a compassionate person and i learned by example. i may be one of the few only children in the world who tries desperately to share. but really, i mostly want to share with him.]

10. his love of being a father – to a girl. [the story goes that my father always wanted a girl and i am sure this must be true. my dad has always done everything with me from fishing to watching movies to golfing to dancing to tree hopping in Costa Rica. i've never once had the feeling that my dad would have been happier having a son and i've never been more happy to be a daughter.]

let me count the ways.

March 22, 2013


10 of my favorite people and why:

1. the way he makes me feel like i have the brother i always wanted…without the punching and the crying.

2. the way she texts me in the middle of the day at random to tell me how much she misses me.

3. the way he makes me love being a kid again while feeling protected…since the day i was born.

4. the way she always understands my thoughts completely…especially when i express them to her in the exact way they first formed in my own brain.

5. the way he makes me laugh so hard my sides feel like they’re going to rip apart and the more it hurts, the more i crave it.

6. the way her voicemail messages give me the best laugh on the worst days.

7. the way he’s always willing to listen to me, even about the same shit over and over again….and over again.

8. the way her energy calms me naturally and makes me want to stay all night.

9. the way he always makes me feel like a girl…especially during karaoke.

10. the way she saves her advice for the problems that really matter…and knows instinctively which ones those are.


10 things i ponder over while driving in Los Angeles:

1. city planners. [aren't these people being paid way too little or way too much? it has to be one or the other cause there ain't no rhyme or reason to this crap in my opinion. there is no good explanation for me being stuck in my car for 1 hour and managing to get exactly 1 mile. no. good. explanation.]

2. autopilot. [what the hell is that phenomenon anyway? i am intrigued by what happens to us when we enter this "autopilot" mode and literally feel like we've been asleep for the majority of a drive and realize when we get to our destination that we don't remember driving there. did our souls leave our body? did our subconscious get a good nap? did aliens invade my body because they wanted to test drive a 2008 Toyota Matrix?]

3. fate. [in the last month or so, i have passed or driven behind a close LA friend of mine oh...i don't know. almost EVERY DAY. he lives near me, but still. i'm now trying to ignore how often it's happening because it makes me feel a little crazy. but it does make me wonder. how many people am i sitting next to at a stoplight that could be my next great friend or my next great love or my next horrible breakup? and how many times did i pass them or sit next to them at that light before we met?]

4. money. [i want a new car goddamn it. and then i ask myself why? and then i ask myself what's wrong with my car? and then i hear my father's voice saying you don't even have a 401K and you are in your mid-thirties. don't buy a car. and then i pass the Lexus dealership in Beverly Hills and i get very very excited and i am very very confused.]

5. time. [i often wonder how much time i spend in my car and if i could only bottle that time and use it to work or take a vacation or sleep what kind of a person i would be and how much better my life would be and how much more evolved i would be. oh jesus i almost got in an accident. i should stop thinking about time and get back to avoiding being side-swiped by that idiot in a Mercedes suv.]

6. children. [depending on the day my feelings vary on the subject of children. sometimes i want one, sometimes i don't. when i'm driving i think about how my life would change and how everything i do would change because my priorities would change. would i drive slower? would i try to beat that light a little less often because my precious little baby is in the back? oh and now i'm thinking about how i don't have sex enough to have children and now i'm at a loss of why this train of thought has any reasoning at all.]

7. Drive. [if it's very late at night while driving in LA and that perfect 80's song starts playing i like to pretend i'm Ryan Gosling in Drive and it's infinitely more fun. or i start to think about Ryan Gosling in general and that's a lot more fun too.]

8. road trips. [when i was in my early 20's i loved taking road trips. i took a 7 week camping road trip in a Cabriolet for god's sake. now i wonder why the fuck anyone would ever want to pile 7 weeks worth of freeze dried food and pillows and lanterns into a tiny little convertible and get stopped at every border because they're dating an indian guy. oh those silly 20 year olds.]

9. Alaska. [there are several reasons i think moving to Alaska is a very cool and brave thing to do. the best of those is the mental picture i have in my head of my daily Alaskan commute. i picture tundra with no cars. no cars, no people... just the bright reflection of freshly fallen snow and the warmth of my heated seat. i've suddenly found myself in a Chevy truck commercial and i'm lovin' it. ]

10. music. [my car is where i listen to my music but it's also the place where i realize that i haven't downloaded nearly enough new music lately and then spend at least 5 minutes thinking about how i need to download more new music and how i need to make a note of it in my phone and then remember that i'll get a ticket for typing something into my phone while driving and how that's dangerous anyway and then...i start thinking about fate again. still haven't downloaded any new music lately. sigh.]

the best part.

November 8, 2012

10 things I learned in 1 day after hearing 2 couples fight:

1. my new WeHo walls are thin. [good lord i heard every word of that shit. yes, every word. the "you said you hate me so get the fuck out" and the "if you try and use our baby as a tactic i'll call your mother." yeah. every word. hello thin walls of WeHo. i'm Tracy and we're in it together.]

2. the grass is always greener. [as a person still in search of a great relationship i have to say it was nice to remember that a lot of crap comes with that Holy Grail. even the best of the best relationships have knock down, drag out fights and to be honest, that's something i'll enjoy missing for as long as it takes.]

3. you fight better with age. [listening to 2 people under the age of 20 have a fight is both entertaining and enlightening in so many ways. entertaining when you realize you have no idea whose side you're on and you're furiously trying to figure that out. enlightening when you realize you used to fight that way many years ago and how awesomely dumb it made you look. thanks kids. many thanks.]

4. a baby doesn’t solve anything. [we all know this to be true anyway. well, maybe those 14 year olds on Teen Mom 17 don't know, but they can't spell the word baby so they don't count. turns out just because you have a 5 week old infant does not mean you won't scream & stomp & pout like you're 12. if anything, i think it gave my neighbors a terrifically unhealthy strategic tool to use against each other. i'm not even sure the teen moms would do that.]

5. stop & think. [when you have the privilege of listening to a very long argument from beginning to end, it becomes clear that no one actually stops and thinks in a fight. the next time i am in the middle of one of these throwdowns, you can bet i am going to try remember the guy next door repeating himself over and over again, saying some serious shit that well, you can't take back. thank God that baby doesn't understand English yet.]

6. women can be really dumb. [yes she's a 17 year old hippie. yes, she's probably not the brightest bulb in the bunch. still, women can be stupid. are you really crying for 2 HOURS about him hanging out with another girl? oy i feel for ya dude. so dumb.]

7. men can be really dumb. [yes, he's an 18 year old hippie and yes, he thinks he's God's gift to all lady hippies that ever existed. still, men can be idiots. did it really take you 2 HOURS to admit that you gave her a massage but you were just getting back at her for hanging out with some guy named Mike? oy i feel for ya sister. so retarded.]

8. everyone hates their parents. [i actually don't hate my parents at all, but this has to be said because both of these couples brought up how much they hate & feel messed up by their parents about a hundred times. what's going on here? too much therapy? i really don't know, but i figured it was worth mentioning.]

9. i’m patient. [5 straight hours of my neighbors fighting ~ with baby in tow ~ and i just laid there and tried to sleep. i didn't pace. i didn't put on headphones. i didn't call anyone to bitch about it. okay fine, i was slightly comatose & recovering from a terrible bout of food poisoning, but i'm still giving myself credit for some patience on this one.]

10. making up is still the best part. [aaahhhh, the golden silence this morning of 2 parents cuddling their infant and making coffee & breakfast. oh the joy of the teenagers walking down my street hand in hand in silence, knowing they've made it through some ritualistic test of coupledom. making up is still the best part, and they didn't even get to the sex yet.]


moving on up and down.

August 17, 2012

5 things that truly suck about moving:

1. reality check. [that moment when you're falling asleep at your desk from searching online and suddenly sit back and sigh. you've never had such a distinct view of how much money you make and how incongruent that is to where you'd really love to live.]

2. the reasoning. [the decision process of the "where" can be funny. it's become the most indecisive thing in my life lately. should i pick a neighborhood based on friends, work, dating, money, weather...or simply go with a street where i'm 94% sure i won't get shot?]

3. thinking. [thinking about packing, thinking about what i need and don't need, thinking about the timing of it all, thinking about which sites to use and pay for and how much to just drive around and see what i find that way, thinking about how much to think about it all. exhaustion. i'd rather just hang my bed from a tree and call it a day.]

4. work with no pay. [it's a full time job looking for a new home. i'm aware that if i really want to find the perfect place i'd better be searching every day, several times per day using multiple search avenues. i have a full time job that often exceeds 40 hours a week. i want my finding-a-new-home-that's-taking-up-all-of-my-time-and-sanity stipend.]

5. the empty bank account. [between the movers and the first & last down (or downpayment if you're actually buying something which most likely means you don't live in LA) and the new piece of furniture that you just had to have because you have a new nook that looks way too empty and the new cable setup fees and the huge grocery store trip that was necessary to fill your empty fridge...poor little bank account is crying out for help but nobody's home.]

5 things that are truly awesome about moving:

1. clean slate. [i lovingly anticipate the purge that happens with every move. that day i decide to go through my drawers and throw out garbage bags full of clothes i never wear and dishes that have a crack and paperwork i'll never need because i know in my heart i'll never get audited. moving is the one and only time i become the minimalist i truly long to be.]

2. clean slate part deux. [a new home is perfectly spotless. there's no cat hair floating around, no stains on anything yet. new windows, new paint, new locks, new neighbors, new address, new possibilities...new life.]

3. exploring. [there is this great month or two right after moving where walking around your new neighborhood seems like Disneyland. when every bar might be your next favorite dive. when every park is a new place to workout or have a picnic. when every neighbor might be the newest addition to your L.A. family. my advice: buy a beach cruiser and make your next exploration even cooler.]

4. housewarming. [everybody loves a good party but there's nothing like the housewarming kind. your friends drool over that spotless granite kitchen countertop while you play the role of host and use your new bar to pretend you're in an episode of Mad Men. this is simply what you always do on a Saturday afternoon. cocktails flow, people compliment, and pride abounds.]

5. things find their place. [i'm smiling just thinking about the process of looking around an empty home and picturing where everything will go that will make me the happiest. feng shui books get opened for the first time in years and there's great joy in moving that furniture around and around until i'm absolutely positive that everything, including me, has found its perfect place.]


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